I barely wrote in this blog; not for lack of having things to write about but because I was a) busy with life and b) not willing to sure the turbulent nature of my experiences. Now that I’m at the end of this road I know this year has been a good year. It’s cliché to say but it doesn’t make it any less true: I met some of the most amazing people out here.
I came out here in order to grow because I felt that life was so stagnant in San Diego. As much as I love my hometown truth is, I was just complacent. I’m finding now that the ones who stayed until the very end shared similar feelings. I’m lucky to have met so many people who taught me about compassion, courage, and respect. They taught me how to be a better person just by being who they were. And that’s real. And that’s authentic. Thank you, my SEAtown folk.
At this point, it feels like a terrible break-up. Loneliness fills the empty seats in my car. I laid out on Regina’s floor for a bit and memories of her consoling me swelled my heart. Sublime’s “Boss DJ” is put on repeat to lull me to sleep. I’m just awkward, sad, and not quite sure what to do with myself. I contemplate about what went wrong and how could it have been better. I love Seattle and the good folks I have here but it’s just time to go.
I think I already knew in my head that I was leaving but needed some validation. After many late night talks I made my decision. I am the biggest coward there is and when I applied to NYU, I kept it a secret because I honestly only did it for shits and giggles. But now, I’m going. I even turned down a great career opportunity to be a poor student in New York. I was hoping they would lose interest in me to make the decision to leave easier on me. And if you heard me a week ago, I told my friends that I never make goals for myself because if it doesn’t come easy to me then I just don’t try. Told you I’m a coward but I want to be like the people I met out here. I want to have a certain air of arrogance and brazen self-regard all the while having a heart of gold and self-awareness. Maybe one day but baby steps. For now, I’ve got to move on to the next step.
I love you all. I’ll be back, trust.
w/all my joys and tears,
-ish* aka TRISHA
Tags: City Year, era, experiences, friendship, goodbye, life, love, new york, Seattle
